What do we do about people who are always negative?
Some people find something wrong with everything. Maybe they need someone to listen long enough to get past the surface-level criticisms and hear the fear or hurt underneath.
We all know someone who seems to carry a storm cloud above them, and not the soft, spring rain type of cloud but more like the kind that shows up when you’re two hours into a hike and have forgotten your poncho. These people find something wrong with everything, whether it’s the weather, the traffic, or even the very concept of weekends. Apparently, two days are both too short and too long at the same time.
Negativity can be draining. Being around someone like this can leave you feeling like you’re wading through quicksand, an emotional inertia that threatens to pull you down with them. But there’s always more to the story. That constant stream of complaints usually shows a heart burdened by something deeper. Truth be told, we’ve all had our days (or weeks or years) when life felt like a series of bad sequels, one disappointment after another.
James tells us to be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger (Jas 1:19). There’s wisdom in that when dealing with perpetual negativity. Most of the time, the person grumbling isn’t looking for a solution. They’ve already found one in the form of their complaint. What they need is grace and patience. Maybe they need someone to listen long enough to get past the surface-level criticisms and hear the fear or hurt underneath.
I’m not saying we must agree with every conversation’s doomsday diagnosis. Yes, you’re right. The world is probably ending because Starbucks discontinued your favorite seasonal drink. But, in the spirit of Philippians 2:4, we can look not only to our own interests—in this case, our interest in not getting pulled into a spiral of negativity—but theirs. What’s really going on in their hearts? What weight are they carrying?
A negative outlook can become a habit, like biting your nails or leaving the toothpaste cap off the tube. Instead of a minor inconvenience, it becomes an entire worldview that suffocates joy. Ecclesiastes reminds us that all things are full of weariness, and some folks seem to adopt that verse as their life’s mantra (Ecc 1:8). But it’s our privilege, as those who know the source of true joy, to remind them that life is not just a cycle of frustration and defeat. There’s beauty, even in brokenness. And Christ himself offers us a hope that far outweighs the disappointments of this world.
That doesn’t mean we become Pollyannas, pretending everything is fine when it isn’t. Life is hard. Sin has marred this world in ways that make suffering inevitable. But we have a Savior who has entered into our suffering, walked through the darkest valleys, and come out victorious. And that victory means there’s always hope, even for someone who can find a cloud in every silver lining.
Those who are pessimistic about everything aren’t so different from the rest of us. They’re longing for peace, control in a chaotic world, and something solid to hold on to. They just haven’t realized that nothing in this world will provide what they crave. Maybe we can be the ones to point them gently toward the One who can. With patience and prayer, perhaps we can help them see a little more light through the clouds.
Recommended reading
Spiritual Depression by Martyn Lloyd-Jones
Lloyd-Jones was a pastor and physician who deeply understood the struggles of the human soul. He tackles the root causes of spiritual discouragement and provides biblical wisdom for overcoming it.
A Lifting Up for the Downcast by William Bridge
Bridge wrote this book to encourage those struggling with doubt, despair, and general spiritual heaviness.