For Christian couples considering divorce
If you’re a Christian considering divorce, let this truth sink in. Marriage is less about our happiness and more about God’s holiness.
Despite all our Instagram-perfect notions of bliss, marriage is a profound mystery that reflects the relationship between Christ and the church (Eph 5:32). Even the most devout couples may think about divorce. When love feels lost, and vows start to sound more like shackles than promises, what’s a Christian to do?
Design and destruction
Let’s start at the beginning because that’s where Jesus starts when he gets grilled on this topic. In Matthew 19:3-6, some of the Pharisees, hoping to catch him off guard, ask Jesus whether it’s lawful to divorce for any reason. In classic Jesus fashion, he doesn’t give a direct yes or no. He cites Genesis, reminding them (and us) that marriage wasn’t some social construct created by ancient romantics. It was God’s design.
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Ge 2:24). This image of unity gets to the heart of the issue. Marriage is meant to be a living picture of God’s covenantal faithfulness. God doesn’t make half-hearted promises and doesn’t rip apart what he has joined together. That’s the standard, the blueprint, if you will. And if you’ve ever tried to build IKEA furniture without the manual, you know how messy it can get when you wing it.
As we all know, however, sin has a way of splintering what was once solid. Divorce is more than legal separation. It’s tearing apart something that was never meant to be torn. Jesus says, “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate” (Mt 19:6). Divorce was never part of God’s original plan. It’s a sad concession in a fallen world, a symptom of hearts hardened by sin.
Grounds for divorce
I’d love to say, “Stay together, work it out, pray harder,” and leave it at that, but Scripture isn’t quite that simplistic. Jesus acknowledges that there are situations where divorce is permissible, though never commanded or celebrated. In Matthew 19:9, he gives one explicit exception: sexual immorality. The Greek word is porneia, a broad term that encompasses adultery and other forms of sexual sin that violate the marriage covenant. Porneia is more than a mere lapse in judgment. It’s a betrayal of the one-flesh union.
Paul adds another exception when he addresses marriage between believers and unbelievers. If the unbelieving spouse chooses to leave, Paul says, “Let it be so. In such cases, the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace” (1Co 7:15). This is the “abandonment clause,” if you will. Again, it’s not a free pass but a recognition of the complex reality of human relationships in a broken world.
These exceptions are not escape hatches for the disgruntled but safety nets for the deeply wounded. They acknowledge the grievous damage done by sexual betrayal or outright desertion. Yet even here, the Bible leans heavily toward reconciliation, urging us to mirror the relentless, forgiving love that Christ shows his wayward bride.
Staying together for the glory of Christ
What about those other marriages—the ones where no one has cheated, no one’s walked out, but the spark is long gone, buried beneath the daily grind, financial stress, or the constant tug-of-war over whose turn it is to take out the trash? Here’s where the gospel shines a light on our ordinary, messy lives.
Paul’s instructions in Ephesians 5:22-33 call husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Wives, in turn, are called to respect their husbands. To be clear, this isn’t a cultural artifact of first-century gender norms. It’s a radical, counter-cultural display of mutual submission and self-sacrifice. The point isn’t who’s in charge but who’s willing to die to self for the sake of the other.
Jesus loves his church not because she’s perfect but despite her imperfections. He loves her sacrificially, laying down his life while she’s still lost in her sins. If you’re a Christian considering divorce, let this truth sink in. Marriage is less about our happiness and more about God’s holiness. It’s a theater of grace where we practice the kind of love that forgives seventy-seven times (Mt 18:22).
When divorce happens
There are no clean divorces. Even when it’s biblically permissible, the fallout is painful and far-reaching. We can’t neatly trim the loose ends, but grace abounds even here. In Christ, there’s redemption, healing, and the hope of new beginnings, even for the bruised and broken-hearted.
The church must be a haven for the weary, not a courtroom where we tally sins. Paul reminds us, “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness” (Gal 6:1). Divorce is not an unforgivable sin. The grace that saved us meets us in our darkest failures and regrets, urging us to fix our eyes on the cross where love and justice met.
God is faithful
There’s no denying that love is hard. It’s gritty and unglamorous, often looking more like washing feet than riding off into the sunset. But in every struggle, every challenging conversation, and every quiet act of service, we’re bearing witness to a Savior who never gives up on his bride.
If you’re in a marriage that feels beyond repair, take heart. God is still in the business of making all things new.
And if you find yourself on the other side of a broken covenant, remember that his mercies are new every morning. In Christ, there is always hope, even when love feels lost.