I Hate Turning People Down
-
I have a really hard time letting people down. It has to be one of my least favorite things to do. When someone asks me of a favor or wants me to join them for dinner or whatever it happens to be, I want to say yes. I hate saying no.
For instance, I was recently asked to join the local Ruritan Club. It’s a worthy cause and the one who invited me is a member with a vested interest in the organization, but I felt no surging desire to join and had a few reasons not to at this time. But how could I say no? It’s a good group of people trying to do noble things within the community. Not to mention, I was invited by a deacon at my church and a dear friend of mine.
After some delay, I eventually declined the invitation. Of course, I had to satisfy my impulse by explaining to him in detail why I was not joining just yet. My first priority is always to make sure I have not offended anyone.
I have been in constant pursuit of balance ever since becoming a full-time church pastor. I have obligations to plan, organize, study, and teach. I must also make time to visit the sick and elderly as well as spend time with others in my church. On top of these responsibilities, I have various side projects which I work on for either the church or myself. I’m also recently married and spending significant time with my wife is important to me.
There isn’t enough time in the day. That leads me back to where I started. It’s especially difficult to say no to any proposition supplied by a member of my church. Would you like to join us for dinner? Would you join us for lunch? Would you like to ride with us to a church meeting a couple of hours from here? Would you…?
I’m always flattered by the invites and, again, I always want to say yes. But I’m usually weighing the situation out in my mind, trying to determine what sacrifices I’ll be making in the process. If I feel I should say no, I always have several concerns running through my mind. Will they be offended? Am I not being a good pastor? Am I not being a good friend? Is the reason I’m saying no even a good reason to say no?
I’ll admit it’s a pretty small problem to have. The question is: Do I need to work on my ability to say no when I feel it’s necessary–and not feel guilty–or work on my ability to sacrifice when called?
About The Author
Jeremy Sarber
I'm the pastor of one of the most blessed churches in all the world. I'm married to the most wonderful woman to walk the face of the earth. I'm host of possibly the most unconventional podcast on the Internet. I am thankful because I deserve none of it. Twitter | Facebook | Google+ | LinkedIn | Email
louisvillebobby Thanks, brother. It's knowing I'm not the only one and small encouragements that often keep me going. I appreciate it.
Good post. I also have feelings of guilt when I turn people down. The older I get the more precious time becomes. I have learned that the guilt I feel is my issue that I need to work on. If a friend or family member is in need, I will change my plans and be there for them, but it has to be a real need. I try to make a point of being intentional with friends and family so they know they are loved by me. I too, like you, feel as though I have to give a detailed reason as to why I can't go to dinner or hang out or whatever, but that is also something I'm working on (it goes back to the guilt thing).
Jeremy, you have a lot on your plate and I know that your congregation and friends and family will understand when you tell them no. Listening to your podcasts and tweets tells me that you are not a selfish person.
- spam
- offensive
- disagree
- off topic
Like