“…for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame.”

Jealousy is easy to feel but dangerous and difficult to overcome. There is no telling how many relationships have been destroyed by jealousy. I have been given plenty of reasons in the past to be a jealous person, but thankfully, I am not. I suppose my past experiences with it have made me to numb to it rather than influence me to be prone to jealousy today.

The principle trigger of jealousy is fairly obvious: insecurity. When Adam sees Eve (Adam’s girlfriend) talking to Fabio, Adam feels jealous because he is insecure. In his mind, she could and may very well like Fabio more than him. He approaches her and speaks his mind…well, not his whole mind. He finds a coy way to tell Eve that she should not be talking to Fabio. She does not agree and asks, “Why are you acting this way?” He will then say something like, “If you wouldn’t _____ then I wouldn’t react this way.” In other words, “I feel powerless and insecure so I’m going to turn it back around on you.”

Feelings of insecurity and jealousy are products of an out-of-control imagination. When a person feels that way, he/she pictures all kinds of scenarios that are not even real. Yes, I suppose they could be, but we cannot live and react based on what we do not know for sure. Even if those scenarios were true, jealousy and anger are not the ways to react.

For instance, using the example above, Adam sees Eve talking to Fabio. Adam imagines them talking about how much they love each other and how they are likely plotting to get Adam out of the picture. He may even imagine them holding hands and hugging when he’s not around. In reality, Eve could just be asking Fabio for directions or something insignificant. Maybe Fabio is an old family friend and his mother just passed away. The jealous mind of Adam knows no bounds. But what Adam imagines is not real.

Overcoming jealousy is like changing any emotional reaction. It begins with awareness. Awareness allows you to see that the projected stories in your mind are not true. When you have this clarity you no longer react to the scenarios that your mind imagines.

If you want to avoid jealousy, here are some steps to follow:

1. Take control of the situation. You control what you actively do, not your emotions.
2. Take a step back and think about it. Rather than imagining the false scenario in your head and reacting to it, stop and think about what your mind is doing. Realize the problem is not Eve, but Adam’s mindset.
3. Focus on something else. So what if misery loves company? Do not give it the time of day. Do not dwell on the jealousy and the false scenarios in your head. Think about how much your significant other means to you. Think about all the ways he/she has given you to trust him/her. So on and so forth.

Just keep in mind that jealousy and anger come quickly. Therefore, you must react quickly to prevent yourself from doing something you will regret.