Most carry with them a vision of their own future. They have some idea of where their life is going and what they want to be doing. Then, sometimes, that plan is interrupted. It is sometimes interrupted by an unexpected good, while other times the surprise takes you on a turn for the worse.
“People only see what they are prepared to see.”
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The most difficult interruption of life comes when a grand surprise is followed shortly by a negative twist. As the old cliché goes, life is a roller coaster.
A person moves along from day to day, having as much figured out as one person possibly can, when life gets changed for the drastic better. Maybe good news comes across the wire. Maybe a new character in the story gets introduced. The new plot point may change the person’s entire direction. His/her view of his/her own future is ultimately changed. The day has a new dawn.
So what if the person was planning on going left rather than right? As it turns out, the right path is far more beautiful than the left and much easier to travel. As we all would, that person becomes settled in the satisfaction the right path brings. That is until the new dawn reveals a new dusk.
In the moonlight, the aftermath of yet another plot point, our main character reflects on the discouraging twist of fate. Some wonder, Where did it all go wrong? Some scheme, How can I recreate what has come and passed? Some lift their chins and persevere on. Most pray.
“These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.”
- Jesus Christ
It is impossible to plan for the unexpected. We can only manage the cards we are dealt after we are dealt them. When the cards reveal a full house, we push our chips to middle of the table. When our hand bears nothing more than a high card or a low pair, we spare our chips and fold. Even so, we stick around for the next hand.
People struggle the most with the initial shock of surprise. We greet the good with a warm reception, embracing those moments with open arms. But the unwanted interruptions can be a much greater challenge, making the character of a person clearly evident.
Hurt is allowed. There is no rule forbidding tears. One of the sweetest verses in all the Bible says nothing more than “Jesus wept”. Even anger is acceptable. What we do with those emotions is of most importance. Let us be sorrowful at times, but never irrational. By avoiding irrational acts, we avoid additional sorrow. Know that if we can survive that initial pressure of hardship, the next plot point could bring greater joy than we knew the first time around.
“We have no right to ask when a sorrow comes, ‘Why did this happen to me?’ unless we ask the same question for every joy that comes our way.”
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This is something we all could be reminded of, but it is also easier said than done. Its human nature to wonder why things happened a certain way, or to second guess ourselves, or to drown ourselves in self pity. I don’t know of anyone who isn’t guilty of it at one time or another.
But it is always good to know that there is Someone else in control.
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You got that right.
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I confess I don’t handle the changes well. I like a balanced budget, a scheduled way of doing things day to day, I like orderliness.
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I just found extraordinary value in part of that:
“Hurt is allowed. There is no rule forbidding tears. One of the sweetest verses in all the Bible says nothing more than “Jesus wept”. Even anger is acceptable. What we do with those emotions is of most importance. Let us be sorrowful at times, but never irrational. By avoiding irrational acts, we avoid additional sorrow.”
My unexpected turn was 15 years ago, when I moved in with my grandmother following my grandfather’s death; that wasn’t so hard to do, we shared a lot of interests and were very close. But it changed my life, it gradually led me to a place I really didn’t want to be (she needed too much; I gave up far too much). And now, we are 3 years into advanced Alzheimer’s disease and I am struggling to continue care at home. And knowing what amazing little things I will cherish one day only because I have not been able to have them for so long (an uninterrupted sleep; a long, hot bath; a whole weekend to do what I want!). But also struggling with those dark emotions that I do believe are legitimate. Why wouldn’t I mourn the loss of the life I had wanted? The lost opportunity–I’m too old now– to build a family of my own?
What you wrote there…I think I can’t describe to you what my heart saw when I looked at that. And how helpful I am going to find that statement. That was really extraordinary for me, and I was only in here on a lark. Just wanted you to know that those words are valued.
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Thank you, Daneen. I will certainly be praying for you and your grandmother. I believe what you’re doing for her is wonderful and the blessings from it are sure to come.
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Jeremy, I have countless blessings already–they are there, if you look for them even in the hard, sad places. And I found such strength and direction in words found on this website where I wandered through quite by accident. See? Another blessing! Thank you for any stray prayers, and know that you’re out there blessing lives without even trying!! I came back just to be sure you knew what gift you had given.
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I always wondered what a ‘ministry’ really is. I know the many descriptions and what it means to other people, but there was no real deep meaning for me until March 1st.
I thanked you for the value of the phrase “By avoiding irrational acts, we avoid additional sorrow” on February 18th. I applied it in my own situation with my grandmother, which was a labor of love but fraught with those terrible moments of irrationality on my own part, on those days when it was just so hard to do and I was so, so tired and was impatient and unforgiving in some ways.
I applied those words, and what that means is that for the ten days between seeing that phrase and losing her very unexpectedly on March 1st, there was no irrationality, there was no fighting against the Alzheimer’s disease, there were no arguments or harsh words or kisses missed or hugs not given. There were ten nice, calm, loving days instead.
I can’t tell you how grateful I have been that you offered it up, and that I saw it by accident, at that time, and that it made all the difference–for me–for the last days of her life.
That would be a ministry, I think. There are no accidents, I think.
Thank you so much.
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[...] second chapter is titled, Panic and Appeasement. Last summer, I wrote a blog post titled, When Life Gets Interrupted, which deals with same subject. In a detrimental, high-emotion situation where things dramatically [...]