Dating With Religious Differences

Posted by Jeremy Sarber in Monday, June 30th 2008 under: Dating & Marriage, Personal Tags: church, dating, marriage, religious differences

So, I’ve been down here in the state of Georgia this weekend. I’m currently sitting in the Dublin, Georgia Starbucks trying my best to think despite the extremely irritating Spanish-sung music which is playing and the girls behind me chatting quite loudly about a no good, cheatin’ ex-boyfriend. I have really enjoyed my brief visit back home where everyone clings to their guns and religion. May God bless the south.

I came here to get some work done but I have other things on my mind which are serving as a distraction. First of all, I’ve got one more preaching appointment tonight at Pleasant Plains Church. I’m looking forward to it. A trip to central Georgia wouldn’t be complete without visiting the church I grew up in. I preached yesterday morning and evening at Cool Springs Church and felt the Lord blessed us. I felt an especially great liberty last night. You know, there’s some really good people down here. I even had the opportunity to meet Sister Dianne Parker which has been a loyal reader of my blog.

I also have something else heavy on my mind, or should I say someone. Back in March, I began really getting to know Danae. I’m telling you, she’s great. She’s got every quality I could ever ask for in a person and then some. She’s sweet, honest, funny, has a great moral foundation, and is absolutely beautiful. She has a certain glow about her that is just undeniable. I cannot help at times but smile when I look at her.

Like most things, it cannot be 100% perfect. I am a Primitive Baptist preacher while she is an active member of a Missionary church. We both have admitted the potential problems facing us in the future. It’s encouraging to know I am not alone in these concerns. This whole relationship has only slowly progressed for this reason though we admitted our crushes on one another months ago. It’s a difficult situation.

Some I know would reject the thought of getting involved with someone outside of their particular church. I do not share the same philosophy. I understand the difficulties of dating someone with religious differences, but I cannot scripturally condemn it unless I could define the person as an “unbeliever”. Danae is far from an unbeliever.

So what do we do?

We talk about it. Danae and I are not the only ones in this situation which is why I’m writing about it. I have seen other couples who persist on, pretending the conflict does not exist, and only face it when a true problem arises. This often does not come until have the two are married. This kind of thing must be dealt with long before then. If two people are going to enter into a relationship they must be brave enough to talk these things through even at the risk of them not working out.

For Danae and I, I intend to suggest that we make lists. I want her to write a list of everything she likes about her church. I will do the same. When those lists are complete, we will share them with one another. It is likely that many things on our lists will be the same. For the ones which are different, we can talk through them. We can ask one another why those things are important and so on. It is always a possibility that we cannot make this work. That’s why I say it takes courage. But I would rather find out sooner than later before we become even more attached to one another. If you are in a similar situation, I suggest you do the same.

I have more I could say about this and I will in the future, but for now, I must get out of here. This music and the conversation behind me is driving me crazy.

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7 Comments Already

Emily Said,

July 1st, 2008 @7:08 am

I have heard a couple people speak out from the pulpit against dating/marrying a non-primitive baptist. Like you, I absolutely cannot classify someone as an “unbeliever” simply because they attend a church that is different than mine. Furthermore, you can go back a couple generations and pretty much no one in my family has married another primitive baptist. Any idea on how many new people were eventually brought into (joined) the church because of those unions?

You’re level-headed. That’s what I love about reading your writing. I think y’all will get it figured out. :)

dizzy50dianne Said,

July 1st, 2008 @9:20 am

Hey, Little Brother,

So enjoyed SEEING you in the flesh, HEARING you preach the gospel so sweetly, so divinely “fed”. I am so encouraged by Gods’ calling young men, such as yourself, into the harvest. I am humbled by the “gifts” evident in your preaching and dividing, unless I be fooled, rightly the word of God.

Different religious beliefs? I read in Romans 14 this morning, verse 18: For he that in these things serveth Christ is acceptable to God, and approved of men.

I think we assign too much “weight” to issues such as the one you describe in your relationship with Danae.

I know of elders in the church whose wife is of a different denomination. Both love and serve our God. I’ve heard OTHERS in the church “cluck their tongues” and say, “Poor Preacher…his wife should support him and be here with him.” Only the “cluckers” have a problem with this. And, if they weren’t clucking about this, it would be something else. I only see a solid foundation on which this elder and his wife and family stand. United in God.

I appreciate that you both have a deep faith and are facing this “difference?” early on. It is evident your faith and the practice of that faith is at the top of your priority list. As it should be.

Love you in Christ,

Dianne Parker (-:

Sarah Said,

July 1st, 2008 @11:52 am

I can’t believe how my little brother has turned out! I think that there is an unwritten law that you are suppose to go to your older sibling for advice, however, I seem to be turning to you quite often. After reading this post, I have no doubt or concern no matter what decisions you and Danae come to. She IS a wonderful person and I will pray that the Lord’s will be done concerning your future. I certainly am one that understands the importance of talking about those issues before you get married. I haven’t always been as level-headed as you and hindsight is always 20/20. I think that you making those lists is going to be a great start at figuring it all out. May God Bless you and Danae in your journey, no matter where it takes you.

Shirley Pitney Said,

July 2nd, 2008 @7:53 am

As long as both of you understand what pitfalls might lie ahead, you can work on this together. It might be hard for Danae to have strangers traipsing through her home, eating at her table, sleeping in her beds. Jeremy, you were brought up that way but others aren’t. And, Jeremy, you will need to understand that she has church events and other activities in her church that you don’t have and you may be called upon to attend these with her, at least support her in them. There are many things you need to continue to “work out” and “pray about” long before the relationship goes any further. I have met Danae and she seems sweet though I have not had the opportunity to talk with her as I would like.

I do want to add a story here that might or might not confuse the issues at hand.

Probably the dearest friend that God ever brought into my life was Elder Gordon L. Watson of Huntington, Indiana. Your grandpa loved him; I loved him. I still miss him though he went Home many years ago. He was always there for me: when I was baptized, when I was married, when I was divorced. He stood with me during the joys and sorrows in my life. I thank God daily for his love and friendship. But I wander…

Elder Watson walked to a different drummer all his life. Severely afflicted by polio at the young age, he wore leg braces all his life. He did not marry until later in life and then he married a lady who also walked to her own drummer, Sister Golden Watson. I call her sister because she was the best Primitive Baptist I ever knew but she was a member of a Methodist denomination and never changed that even living with Elder Watson for many years as his loving companion and helper and friend. She entertained Primitive Baptists, kept them in her home, loved them, and corrected them when they erred.

One time, when Elder Watson took it upon himself to make some homemade dandelion wine, she didn’t huff over it. She waited until it had fermented or whatever wine does to be ready to drink, I guess that takes some weeks. The day Elder Watson decided it was time to taste his creation, he found the vats full of lye soap. A bit upset, he turned to Sister Golden. “What have you done!” She just answered, “you know that drinking is not right in the eyes of the Primitive Baptists and, if they won’t tell you so, I will take it upon myself to do so. You will not be making nor drinking alcohol in my house! If I Primitive Baptist won’t correct you, a Methodist will?”

This precious couple lived together many, many years and raised 2 sons together. When she died, she had requested that 2 Primitive Baptist elders who she loved, as she put it, more than life itself, preach her funeral. Your grandpa was one of them; the late Elder James Bibler from Ohio, the other.

This precious sister never left “her” church but she loved the Primitive Baptists just as much.

With God’s grace, it can be done. Pray about this and continue to search out and study together. I feel certain God will direct you in the right direction.

Jeremy Sarber Said,

July 2nd, 2008 @11:46 am

Thank you all for your comments and encouragement.

Amanda Howell Said,

July 3rd, 2008 @2:29 pm

I guess as the little sister and the best friend, I should give my input… haha just kidding. But seriously, having dated someone 800 miles away for 3 years, I’m a firm believer in the “if something’s worth it to you, you can always make it work” philosophy. :) Love you both!

Jeremy Sarber Said,

July 3rd, 2008 @2:46 pm

I think you might be right.